Through Dangers Untold And Hardships Unnumbered

I hardly ever find myself here anymore.  Maybe I’ll just leave it here for old times sake, but I believe my life has improved significantly.  I’ve run out of things to bitch about (minus a few things that will never change).

Its been a good half of a year and I can safely say that its because of the changes I made.  Now, I’ve been in the gym for 5 months and its showing, I hammered out a 4.0 last semester, I don’t really spend any of my time on shitty people, and I have, what seems like, the most promising relationship in a long time in front of me.  No more feeling like I’m crazy, when its everyone else thats illogical at this age.

It really was just a shitty run full of shitty people… and all that’s changed now. 

It finally happened… Finally a girl played games with me and got burned.  I’m kind’ve glad.  I’m so used to being on the other end.

Hint:  If you like somebody, tell them.  Don’t play around and screw with their head and say how you need space etc. when you’re straight up lying. 

I decide to stop pursuing her and pretty quickly someone else, who I’m much more excited about, stumbles into my life.  

NOW the girl wants to be with me all of a sudden… CLASSIC!

NOW she wants to know where I’ve been and where do we stand… LOL! 

REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE SAY… WE CAN’T READ MINDS! 

I’ve been doing well to change my habits, myself, and my surroundings, but it’s not done.  I feel like everyday there’s something else I learn.  

I think the next step is to ease up on life and not be so serious all the time.  I have been focused so hard on people and what they’re capable of and, because of the unique circumstances of my life… I have often been let down.  

A 30 year-old friend of mine from the gym had a chat with me today about life (I often enjoy conversations like this).  He has gotten to know me well enough to know some of my tendencies already and suggested that I take even more of my life into my hands in terms of how I deal with people.  He suggested that I let go of one of my biggest drives.  He thinks I need to stop being the good guy.  

The nice guy may not always come in last, but I promise, he never comes in first.  From now on, I’m going to try to enjoy myself and not constantly worry about others and consequences and trust that my “good guy tendencies” will shine through on their own.  I’m tired of being in the reserves for everyone.  I refuse to care for people, only to be that guy who’ll be there when you need him.

This is my next mission… this and continuing to be open to new experiences.

I feel like I’m being re-taught how to live my life after everything thats happened.